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The Ultimate Guide to Solving Any Problem

January 20, 2020

We all hear stories of people who have THAT moment where everything changes. For some people, it’s when they get married, have children, or land a new job.

For others, it’s when they get a diagnosis, someone close to them dies, or they hit rock bottom.

For me, it was none of the above. For me, everything changed when I passed out in a doctor’s office from an injection in my back.

Now, I know this seems pretty harmless. In fact it was harmless. I wasn’t hurt. I didn’t fall and hit my head. Nothing bad happened. But for some reason, passing out gave me debilitating anxiety.

Debilitating to the point where I could not drive without feeling suffocated. I could not go out with my husband; I couldn’t work. I could barely even sit and watch TV without feeling like a five thousand pound elephant was on my chest.

Why did passing out lead to massive anxiety? I’ll probably never know. But what I do know, it was the moment that everything changed.

Every minute of every day felt like hours – to say I was scared shitless is an understatement. All I could think about was being like this for the rest of my life. I thought I wouldn’t be able to go out, would not ever drive again, not socialize.

My whole world had changed in a blink of an eye, and the worst part was that I couldn’t figure out what happened – or how simply passing out could cause such an extreme response.

But what I did know, I couldn’t just sit and “take it”. I could not accept that this was it for me.

So, I started with a counselor and nothing against counselors, but my experience was one of the most useless discussions I’ve ever had in my life and I had to keep searching for an answer.

I went to my doctor; she prescribed anti-anxiety medicine – which I didn’t want to stay on forever if I didn’t have to….so, again, kept looking for something to help me.

On a recommendation from a friend, I saw an acupuncturist who’s also a life coach. He helped me realize soooo many things but the biggest thing was how to connect with my soul.

Which I know, doesn’t seem like a likely thing to help me manage my anxiety but nonetheless, it’s what ultimately helped me get back to being me.

What I learned from my coach was what I call, The Process and it’s now how I deal with EVERYTHING in my life. It’s how I manage my anxiety, it’s how I solve problems, it’s how I understand more about myself – I use it every single day.

It’s what helps me listen intently to me, and take actions that serve me, helps me understand what I want and guides my life’s purpose.

Because it’s been my lifesaver, I want to share this with you in hopes you’ll too benefit from The Process.

A fair warning, sometimes The Process is messy, ugly, and may include tons of ugly cries (you know the kind), but it’s soooo powerful.

So, what’s The Process?

The Process is a systematic way in which to deal with life, problems, anxiety, stress, issues with other people, your past – all of it.

The Process is, is not just another “self-help” tactic. In fact, it goes against a lot of conventional wisdom including advice that tells you to “just” get your mind right.

And instead of a tactic that yet again, only tells you how to get your mindset right, The Process provides access to your soul and shows you how to lead your life with purpose.

My guess is, you’ve heard a lot about the soul, right? You’ve heard..listen to your soul…discover your soul….be sure to do what your soul wants blah blah blah…..

I have too! I’ve heard this so many times it started to be annoying to me! What frustrated me the most about this advice was I never really knew how to do it until I discovered The Process.

The Process can also help you protect yourself from the world and people jerking you around. By using The Process, you fully understand who you are, which builds a force field around your heart. When people try to make you feel like you’re something other than what you are, which makes you feel terrible, The Process protects you.

As mentioned, this is a step by step process that I’m going to share and you can apply it to anything and help you manage anxiety, solve problems, protect yourself against “haters”, rely on yourself for comfort and overcome lifelong challenges.

Here are the five steps in The Process that you can start using immediately:

Step 1. Situations

Step 2: Emotions

Step 3: Listening

Step 4: Actions

Step 5: Results

Situations are things that happen to allllll of us every day and throw you into some sort of emotion, good and bad. Situations are things that happen that can’t be refuted nor controlled by you. These are things that nobody could argue did or didn’t happen — something you don’t control.

Emotions are what you end up feeling as a result of situations – you feel emotions in your bones, deep inside your body. You might feel things like angry, sad, happy, excited, etc.

Listening is the most important part. For most of us, once we have an emotion, we do what? We try to get it to go away by ignoring it, drinking it away, binge-watching it away, numbing it or anything else that lets us not to feel it. Honestly, this isn’t our fault because generally speaking, we’re taught to ignore our feelings. But this part is most important because it’s THE step that allows us to listen to our emotions, which is how your soul speaks. It’s the signals that come in and show us what our soul likes and dislikes. Sad? The soul isn’t digging what’s happening. Happy? The soul is digging what’s happening. And listening to this is so critical because then you can begin to understand precisely what it is you want, what works for you and what does not.

Actions are what you do after you’ve spent time listening to yourself. Actions are what you decide need to happen and then you give your mind the task of executing. Actions are important to be aligned with what your soul wants. Actions are what you do in response to listening to your soul after you’ve heard what your soul wants.

Results are pretty obvious; they’re what happens when you take action based on what your soul wants and the consequences that come with your actions.

The Process is how I live my everyday life. It’s how I solve problems, console myself when I’m down, it’s how I live.

I’m in constant communication with my soul, and I have to say, I’ve never in my life felt more fulfilled, unstuck, and happy. And the best part is, I know how to listen to my soul, and I don’t need to be in a deep meditative state or budda-like to do this. Its something I can do at any given moment.

And with The Process, it’s not to say I’m never upset. Being upset is precisely the moment where I know I need to hear my soul. So, this isn’t a formula for you to always be on cloud nine.

Still, it is a process in which you can FINALLY get unstuck (by letting your soul lead your life).

You can FINALLY understand how to lead a life that is in full alignment with what you want.

And a process whereby you do not need anyone but yourself to heal and you can take on any situation that happens to you that’s out of your control. The Process gives you the power to manage anything.

Ultimately, The Process is what allows you to live your best life, fulfilled and happy. I know, because I’ve used it daily since I’ve discovered it.

So, how can you use The Process to find fulfillment, happiness and know in your heart you’re leading your life based on what your soul wants and not what your parents, the world, or your high school teachers want from you?

Let me show you an example of how to solve any problem with The Process (example)

  1. Situation – You didn’t get the promotion you were hoping for
  2. Emotion – Sad
  3. Listening – you hear and feel the pain, but do nothing
  4. Actions – you allow your mind to tell you how terrible you are and that you’re not worth anything so you then you cry and sleep for a week in depression
  5. Results – you get written up for work for being late and not being productive (the situation gets worse)

One big step in turning around a problem or a challenge using The Process is to start from the bottom and work your way up, and DEFINITELY not skip the listening step.


After this type of situation, it’s important to understand what results you want? You can’t change the fact you didn’t get the promotion, so what do you do?

In this scenario, you’d start with knowing you didn’t get the result you wanted and go through The Process by replacing the results you DO want: and you work through step by step. You can do this how you want, but I’ve found writing it out is the best way.

  1. Results – replace the results you got with the one you want. You want a higher pay ($10,000 raise) and promotion (more senior title).
  2. Actions – ask yourself, what steps would you need to take to get the above result? Perhaps you begin to look elsewhere for a job vs. within the company you work for.
  3. Listening – when you feel the pain, you know it’s time to console yourself. And in the above example, you know not getting the promotion hurt because you felt sad. Listening is an important signal to telling you what you do and do not want, and the most important step here so that instead get depressed or stay sad; you can console yourself (your soul) and let yourself know that you’ll take care of the situation. This is when you could think about looking for a different job, then you feel excited and inspired again (you’re looking for an excellent feeling to replace the bad feelings, this is how you know you’re aligned and doing the right actions). But the key in this step is listen and console. You hear/feel the bad emotions, and you tell yourself (your soul), “don’t worry, I got you. We can figure this out. I will always love you no matter if you get a promotion, get fired, or whatever, I will always be here with you (soul) through bad and good”. So this way, your soul knows there is someone still comforting her (which avoids the week of sleeping and depression). Also, this will help you understand if your actions align with your soul. If the actions you take still make you feel bad, you’re not quite aligned with what your soul wants. Think about taking different actions until they feel good; that is how you know you’re aligned and know what you want. Use this step to get clear on whether or not your actions are helping or hindering.
  4. Emotion – happy and excited.
  5. Situation – stays the same because the above is the result of you not getting the promotion – the key is not to try to control the situation and change it but to change the outcome.

The key to The Process is to align with your soul by listening with caution and comfort, not let your mind beat you down further if it’s a bad situation, and take action that makes you feel good, not bad.

The Process is how I deal with life and helps me figure out how to either change a situation, an action, or the result.

A key component is listening and paying attention to how you feel – this is your soul talking to you. I can’t overemphasize this enough. And rather than run or hide from the emotions, it’s incredibly important to comfort your soul in a moment it feels terrible, sad, depressed, anxious. Let your soul know you’re there for her/him. Your soul needs the comfort that you’re not leaving her high and dry.

It’s also essential you pay a lot of attention to the feelings versus listening to the mind. Because in the above example, your thoughts will try to take over, and often make you feel even worse.

Also, the consoling and listening step allows for you not to stay stuck in the sadness – it empowers you to have an option against remaining stuck with the grief. It’s not to say you can’t feel sad; in fact, it’s important to honor your sadness and again, not let your mind tell your soul to suck it up and stop being a baby. Or make your mind convince your soul it didn’t deserve the promotion because you’re stupid.

Essentially, this process stops the mind from leading and gives you back the power to manage challenges with a step by step process.

I’d love for you to try this. Pick a recent or ongoing situation that is not giving your soul what he/she wants (and you know it’s not if there is a negative feeling associated with the situation).

Plug in current scenario vs. the desired situation and see if you can lean toward the desired outcome vs. caving into the current one. Always keep in mind, you need to create a life from possibilities versus current situation.

Here are examples for you of the different steps:

  1. Situation examples:
    1. You lose your job
    2. Your mom dies
    3. You get diagnosed with a disease
    4. You get in a car accident
    5. Your husband leaves you
    6. Your wife leaves you
    7. You have a miscarriage
    8. You can’t get pregnant
    9. Your child gets sick
    10. Your child doesn’t get into college
    11. Your co-worker insulted you
  1. Emotions
    1. Happy
    2. Sad
    3. Frustrated
    4. Mad
    5. Angry
    6. Depressed
    7. Thrilled
    8. Excited
    9. Anxious
  2. Listening/consoling – you can do this out loud if appropriate or inside of your head, so people don’t look at you funny – you’ll also notice consoling your soul is like comforting a child.
    1. I know you feel sad, and I want you to know I’m here for you and will be here every step of the way – I’ll never leave you alone
    2. Yay! You’re excited and happy, how can I help do more of this for us?
    3. I know you’re frustrated right now, but right now, we need to do this thing, and later we can do something that helps us feel better. Can I ask that we stay here for just a moment, and then we’ll address this as soon as we can?
    4. I know you’re scared (this is a good one for anxiety), but know I won’t go anywhere, and no matter what happens, we’ll always be together, and you won’t be alone or without help or care. I’m here to help and take care of you.
    5. I understand you feel sad about what she said, but know that I love you, and we’ll always be together. I won’t ever think that of you, and just because she does, doesn’t mean I do. She can’t hurt us.
    6. Why do you feel sad? Is there something you need to say/do/express? You can go ahead. Cry, scream, throw something – do whatever you need to do to let it out. I’m okay with you expressing your sadness. I won’t judge how you feel, ever.
  3. Actions: remember, these should always be centered around the result you want and should always come from you listening to your soul – give your mind tasks not the other way around
    1. Stick up for your soul (you decide to address someone who made your soul hurt, so your soul trusts you will take care of her)
    2. Look for a job if you’re sad about losing yours
    3. Spend time with someone who makes you happy if you’re feeling sad
    4. Get outside if outside makes you feel better about life in general
    5. Start writing a book you’ve always wanted to write
    6. Try a new hobby your soul’s begged you to try
    7. Take a nap
    8. Scream
    9. Cry
    10. Laugh
    11. Get a massage
    12. Learn how to build a website
    13. Visit your parents/children
    14. Go on a trip
    15. Eat better
    16. Drink less
    17. Exercise more
  4. Results
    1. You get a new job
    2. You get promoted
    3. You find a spouse
    4. You lose weight
    5. You feel lighter
    6. You laugh more
    7. You have a new hobby
    8. You make more friends
    9. You feel stronger
    10. You have more money
    11. You have a business you’ve always wanted
    12. You read more
    13. Your house is cleaner and less cluttered
    14. You boss respects you
    15. Your colleagues trust you
    16. You date again
    17. You learn how to write/draw/paint
    18. You move to a big city
    19. You move out of the city
    20. You’re more relaxed

Using The Process is the best way to deal with life challenges and connect with your soul in a big way. It’s the way to ensure you’re leading with your soul and what your soul wants versus what your mind, society, etc. tell you to.

It’s also a way to understand you have feelings and emotions, and you have the power to make changes – and the power is within you.

Lastly, it’s something you know you always have to solve problems and ensure that you’re not staying stuck in the same rut for days, months, or years. You can use The Process for anything in life, at any time.

I hope that you try this and I hope even more that it helps you as much as it’s helped me.

If this helps you in any way, please respond in the comments or email me at info@melissacoloton.com!

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